Posted in Life happenings, Mental health, Uncategorized

The Good, The Bad, and the Annoying

Today was an interesting day to say the least, I went to bed around 2:30 in the morning and woke up around 10, so getting some rest was good.
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I felt sort of groggy in the morning, lazy almost, even after coffee and before my morning meds (sometimes my anxiety meds make me a little out of it). But I went about my day, and went to the pool. Only stayed for an hour, since my attention span is so damn short these days.
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I did get some nice color though. Then I decided to run an errand or two, which was both a bad idea and annoying to say the least. It’s Friday, and that means tourists…and a parking lot of traffic on rt.1 south bound. Oy.

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(actual Delaware traffic on rt.1)

Luckily the places I had to go were close to my house and I know a lot of back roads, but even in the stores people were either rude or annoying. So basically I wanted to punch everyone in the throat.

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I understand that you may be in a hurry, or whatever, but this is Lower slower Delaware. We run on beach time. And if you come down here and you don’t like that…fine, but don’t be a dickbag to the rest of us just because you can’t unclench.

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Then I slowly realized that my rapidly changing mood, and less euphoric feeling meant that I was probably coming down from the hypomania.

It could happen over a span of hours, days, or even weeks, but the hypomania hangover is horrible.

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At this point however, I can’t stress about it. I’m going to be vigilant, and vocal with my psychiatrist/doctor, and I know eventually I’ll have my meds right, and I can live a little more peacefully. So here’s to hope. 

Thanks for reading! And here’s a picture of some adorable kittens with some sage advice…

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XOXO, Kel

Posted in Mental health, Uncategorized

Restless

rest·less
ˈres(t)ləs/
adjective
  1.  (of a person or animal) unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom”the audience grew restless and inattentive”
Synonyms: uneasy, ill at ease, restivefidgety, on edge, tense, worked up, nervousagitatedanxious, keyed up, antsy.
 
 
 
 And not just regular restless either…but restless af. I feel like I’m being pulled in all different directions, except I’m the one pushing myself toward it all, and I have no clue which way to go.
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As an example…here’s my internal monologue for the last 10 minutes before I decided to write this blog:
 
 
 I should watch a movie, watch This is 40. You’ve seen it 7 times but you love it.
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(I watched it for literally 4 mins.)
 
 
 
 Maybe I should write in one of the 14 unused notebooks I have laying around…OoOoOo..Maybe I’ll start a quote notebook…
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(I already have 2 quote notebooks started and never finished somewhere; also I may have a stationary addiction.)
 
 
 
 Speaking of notebooks, you need to do your Spanish lesson for the day, and you should take notes…
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(Keep in mind that 3 days ago I tried to study Spanish and Italian at the same time, word of advice…don’t try to learn two similar languages at the same time.)
 
 
 
Nope, you should definitely listen to music on YouTube, you have soooo many playlists on there.
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(Then I went up to my bookmarks bar to click on YouTube and saw my blog bookmark and decided to instead write a blog about how I can’t make a decision to save my life rn and also how I feel like I want to make every decision ever.)
 
 
 
There you have it…all of that in  a span of honestly probably less than 10 minutes. Oh hypo-mania, you son of a bitch.
 
P.S. I slept last night for about 9 hours, and it was glorious. If I could only do the same thing tonight. Cross your fingers for me.
 
Thanks for reading my whole post! Here’s a kitten in a bow tie as a thank you.
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XOXO, Kel
Posted in Mental health

Just another manic Tuesday

So it’s close to 4:15 am as I’m writing this on the east coast. I know the sun will be up soon because I can hear the birds chirping. Normally, I’d be snug in bed, fast asleep, but I’m hypo-manic right now. Decreased appetite, decreased need for sleep, among other symptoms. But the thing about being manic is that its 1000 times better than the alternative. Even if not everyone understands that.

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My official diagnosis is Bi-polar 1, rapid cycling, PTSD (diagnosed after a 4 yr abusive marriage) and moderate to severe generalized anxiety disorder.

But the depression??? I’d take hypo-manic, manic and everything that comes with them if it means that I didn’t have the “lows”. If anyone reading this doesn’t know exactly what hypo mania entails…I go to bed much later than usual, if at all, but usually won’t go more that 24 hours without sleeping. I have to buy myself ensure plus to get the nutrients I need because I’m only eating once a day, and even that’s a challenge. But I’m happy for right now. I’m also productive.

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I clean, do laundry, go to the grocery store or Walmart. I have pretty much my whole day planned for tomorrow, and I’m gonna get a ton done and still have time to relax.

Even my Psychiatrist/Therapist said that he’d rather I’d be manic then depressed. We’re working on balancing my meds currently. I take 1500 mg Depakote, 0.5 mgs of Klonopin twice a day/ as needed, and 2.5 mgs of Abilify. I was also on 40 mgs of Prozac, but my Doc thinks that’s maybe what making me manic. So we’ll see in a week when the Prozac is actually out of my system. And lets just hope I don’t do anything too impulsive in the mean time. And when I say impulsive I don’t mean ordering a banana split when  I should only be eating one scoop, I mean really impulsive, the last time I was manic I opened up 14 credit cards. four. teen. Good news is now my credit is so bad I definitely can’t do that again. Ba-dum-bum!! Lol.

Anyway, thanks for making it this far, and here’s a picture of a piglet in a bathing suit as a thank you!!

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XOXO,

Kel